Friday, 5 August 2011

Romantic Friday Writers - Voices

This week on Romantic Friday Writers the theme is voices. 
My submission is a piece of prologue I wrote a few weeks ago when an idea came into my head. It’s starts of a bit on the dark side but don’t worry it’s ultimately a romance. The title of the story is His Captive. But I also think this piece works well as flash fiction. So join me as we take a walk on the dark side on RFW.

Word Count: 399
                              Image is courtesy of

I stand on the precipice.

The stark lights of the city glitter below me. Its sounds surround me permeating my foggy brain; the blaring of car horns, music from loudspeakers and cheery conversations. Its smells filter through my nostrils, exhaust fumes and the scent of suya grilled over open fires. My stomach rumbles.

I can’t remember my last meal or the time. Yet, I feel more alive now than I’ve ever felt. Then again, I don't know what kind of life I've had previously. All I know is here and now.

Across the street a large billboard spans the side of the skyscraper. It has a picture of a woman. Her skin is flawless; sultry almond-shaped brown eyes, a small pert nose and full inviting lips framed in an oval face. There’s something familiar about her although I cannot pinpoint it. Stunningly beautiful, she has the air of someone with the world at her feet.

Just like I do at the moment.

The city beckons me. The salty sea breeze buffets me. My skin prickles, covered in goose-bumps. Though the air is warm, I feel a chill in my bones and my teeth chatter. Feeling a familiar presence, I turn around. Yet, I see no one on the roof with me. I’m all alone.

What am I doing here?

The question clatters in my brain seeking answers. I get none. I’m shrouded in a cloak of despair I cannot shed.

“Step back, my love...Slowly.”

I hear a voice. It’s masculine; deep and calm. A delicious warm shiver travels down my spine settling low in my belly.

There’s no one else here.

Shaking my head, I struggle to ignore the voice and its effect on me. Its husky familiarity reminds me of silken sheets and tangled lovers – me and my dark lover.

How do I know that when I can’t even remember my name?

“Step back from the edge, Clara.”

This time, it sounds closer, harsher, like the owner of the voice is behind me. The hairs on my neck are erect and the prickling sensation on my skin increases. Even as I hear him say it, I know instinctively he speaks my name.

“Who are you?” I ask, suddenly agitated as I swing around sharply. The harsh wind smashes into me. I lose my footing, plummeting off the rooftop, the lights below racing towards me.

Darkness embraces me.


So what do you think? Does it fit the theme? Do you want to read more? Share your thoughts as usual. Remember to visit other entries for this week's RFW via the link above. Thank you.


  1. I do not see a romantic involvement. This does not mean there is none in your novel; it just doesn't truely manifest here, in this excerpt.

    Yet, this has excellent "voice". I want to know what happens to Clara as a result of her fall (I don't believe she disappears from the novel here; and if she does, shame on you author for giving a first glimpse of a character who is engaging and dies). She is hopeless, but does not appear helpless. Which makes her someone I'd want to know more about.

    I like the perspective here. Just enough backstory and action narrative. Works for me.


  2. Hi Donna,

    Thank you. I'm glad some of the theme show through. It was the story that came to mind when i saw this week's theme.

    I've amended the excerpt slightly so the 'romance' is a little bit more obvious, I hope.


  3. Thwe voice is very powerful here and the piece gripped me from the beginning.
    The romantic involvement could be expressed more clearly, though. Maybe if the voice said "Step back, slowly, my darling" or "Step back from the edge, Clara, my love.” A good piece, though. :O)

  4. Thank you, Madeleine. It's great when other people can see what you can't. Which is why i love RFW challenges. Cheers. :o))

  5. I enjoyed it... I like the sweet voices in her mind, and the little bit of darkness to it as well. I was wondering though where the masculine voice was coming from - was it for real or just her imagination ?

    Lovely share~

  6. Thank you, Heaven. I was a bit concerned about it being too dark for RFW but I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

  7. Hello Kiru.
    Forgive my ignorance, but what's "suya"?
    Also, sounds to me like perhaps she's got amnesia, because she didn't know her own name and the life she led before.
    Great intrigue at the end.

  8. Hi Andy,

    Suya is a kind of spicy African kebab.
    You are on the right track. She has some memory loss but not the kind you're thinking. More soon. ;) Thank you.


  9. Oooooh, scary and intriguing. I would definitely read more.

    Alas, since I'm late to the party, and you've amended it, I don't see the "missing" romantic element - IMO it's there now.

    "plummeting off the roof top" either make rooftop one word, or ad a comma after top, because the way this breaks, at least on my screen, made for a slightly confusing last sentence that took me out of the story. Annoying, as I'd been totally enraptured till then.

  10. I love it! Very beautiful. I like the setting of the scene, the sense-filled details. I would definitely like to read more.

  11. Kiru, it definitely reads better now and I can't wait for the whole story to unfold. Well done.

  12. I want to know if she is commiting suicide and who the voice speaking to her is. She knows it yet, she doesn't.
    It held my attention very well, enough to wish to know more.

  13. Awesome descriptions, Kiru! And the finish was very gripping. Dark, but good!

  14. Hi,

    I love the dark edge to this, and it has huge promise!!

    As you say, this prologue only came to you quite recent via inspiration gained from theme title "Voices". I'm with Madeleine, the romantic element could be hyped a little more. Perhaps a few extra sentences might proclaim undying love for the heroine, perhaps a tinge of guilt in the Voice as well! Her confusion could easily stem from trauma of a truth revealed: blanking it out. Startled by the Voice and sense of familiarity, too, she might then turn and lose her balance.

    Of course, this could be a prophetic dream sequence and she wakes up before hitting the ground, her dream expressing her fears of being cheated on by a lover! ;)


  15. Love the descriptions here. I want know what happens. Does she survive the fall off the roof? I'm new to RFW so I am still learning about what romantic writing is, but I think I agree with Beverly that there is a romantic element.
    Best wishes,
    Anna's Romantic Friday No 13 - 'Voices'

  16. It's difficult to get in under the 400 word wire, but you've managed it. I'd love to see it expanded though, I think you've got a great stand-alone short story with a little more background and detail!

  17. This piece is chock full of sensory details, sight, sound, tactile sensation, smell and I almost got the taste from the mention of the food being grilled.

    I would definitely read on. This is intriguing. You've got some serious talent on you, girl.

  18. Oh, yeah, I forgot to say that I like the physical effect his voice has on her. Feeling that 'warm, delicious shiver right now.' :D

  19. Hi! Firstly, I love your descriptive language, it creates just the right setting for the scene. And it is only a tiny scene, so of course you can't tell us everything, but we are always looking for that romance element. You have some there but romantics that we are, obviously not enough! Maybe you can feed us some more for Confused!

    Great entry. Great voices.


  20. Gripping. I'm reading this for the second time and it reads even more strongly than it did the other time. Will you be developing this into a novel or is it flash fiction? I hope you develop it into a full length story so I can read more about the mystery presented here.

  21. Hi Beverly, thanks. I've sorted out the punctuation error.

    Hi Ruth, thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you like it.

    Yes, thewordsmythe, I can't wait to get stuck into the story too. Alas, the queue of new stories is backing up. Not enough time to write. ;)

  22. Daydreamertoo, thanks for stopping by. She's not committing suicide. Just a little confused.

    Babyrocka, thank you. I think your dark side is rubbing off on me. lol

    Thank you, Francine. There's definitely scope to develop the story. Thanks for the suggestions.

  23. Hi Anna, welcome to RFW. The romance is definitely a core part of the challenges. Thank you for stopping by.

    Hi Li, thank you. I hope to expand the story too. We'll see how i get on soon.

    Hi J.L. thank you. In this scene I thought it was important to capture her surroundings vividly the way she senses them, since there are no memories for backstory. I'm glad it worked well.

  24. Hi Denise, thank you for your kind words. I hope i can get more inspiration by the time we get to the next challenge so I can expand the story.

    Hi, LD. I'm hoping to expand it into a a full novel but as I mentioned earlier, there are other stories vying for attention at the moment, so this is in the sleeper for now. Cheers.

  25. Hi Kiru, did you write a post for the RWF on the theme Glitz and Glamour. if yes would it be possible to send me a link to it. I apologise for qiering this way, I could not see you email. Thanks


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