tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post795036914592670290..comments2023-12-16T08:34:19.484+00:00Comments on Kiru Taye Writes: Romantic Friday Writers - VoicesKiru Tayehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03285263322486836620noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-92004536116995066782011-08-14T17:20:56.824+01:002011-08-14T17:20:56.824+01:00Hi Kiru, did you write a post for the RWF on the t...Hi Kiru, did you write a post for the RWF on the theme Glitz and Glamour. if yes would it be possible to send me a link to it. I apologise for qiering this way, I could not see you email. ThanksAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02530886181437955643noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-20942253258093316702011-08-06T22:29:16.726+01:002011-08-06T22:29:16.726+01:00Hi Denise, thank you for your kind words. I hope i...Hi Denise, thank you for your kind words. I hope i can get more inspiration by the time we get to the next challenge so I can expand the story.<br /><br />Hi, LD. I'm hoping to expand it into a a full novel but as I mentioned earlier, there are other stories vying for attention at the moment, so this is in the sleeper for now. Cheers.Kiru Tayehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03285263322486836620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-13455943800808001152011-08-06T22:24:38.226+01:002011-08-06T22:24:38.226+01:00Hi Anna, welcome to RFW. The romance is definitely...Hi Anna, welcome to RFW. The romance is definitely a core part of the challenges. Thank you for stopping by.<br /><br />Hi Li, thank you. I hope to expand the story too. We'll see how i get on soon.<br /><br />Hi J.L. thank you. In this scene I thought it was important to capture her surroundings vividly the way she senses them, since there are no memories for backstory. I'm glad it worked well.Kiru Tayehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03285263322486836620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-22422150174344619472011-08-06T22:18:20.737+01:002011-08-06T22:18:20.737+01:00Daydreamertoo, thanks for stopping by. She's n...Daydreamertoo, thanks for stopping by. She's not committing suicide. Just a little confused.<br /><br />Babyrocka, thank you. I think your dark side is rubbing off on me. lol<br /><br />Thank you, Francine. There's definitely scope to develop the story. Thanks for the suggestions.Kiru Tayehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03285263322486836620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-15116959660635852372011-08-06T22:14:15.534+01:002011-08-06T22:14:15.534+01:00Hi Beverly, thanks. I've sorted out the punctu...Hi Beverly, thanks. I've sorted out the punctuation error.<br /><br />Hi Ruth, thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you like it.<br /><br />Yes, thewordsmythe, I can't wait to get stuck into the story too. Alas, the queue of new stories is backing up. Not enough time to write. ;)Kiru Tayehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03285263322486836620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-19062472735900450482011-08-06T19:53:35.347+01:002011-08-06T19:53:35.347+01:00Gripping. I'm reading this for the second time...Gripping. I'm reading this for the second time and it reads even more strongly than it did the other time. Will you be developing this into a novel or is it flash fiction? I hope you develop it into a full length story so I can read more about the mystery presented here.LDhttp://laradanielswrites.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-17617415545744882502011-08-06T04:22:37.149+01:002011-08-06T04:22:37.149+01:00Hi! Firstly, I love your descriptive language, it ...Hi! Firstly, I love your descriptive language, it creates just the right setting for the scene. And it is only a tiny scene, so of course you can't tell us everything, but we are always looking for that romance element. You have some there but romantics that we are, obviously not enough! Maybe you can feed us some more for Confused! <br /><br />Great entry. Great voices.<br /><br />DeniseDenise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-83188313180814362932011-08-06T03:32:44.596+01:002011-08-06T03:32:44.596+01:00Oh, yeah, I forgot to say that I like the physical...Oh, yeah, I forgot to say that I like the physical effect his voice has on her. Feeling that 'warm, delicious shiver right now.' :DJ.L. Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05666634455836834179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-31311290457425972212011-08-06T03:31:31.656+01:002011-08-06T03:31:31.656+01:00This piece is chock full of sensory details, sight...This piece is chock full of sensory details, sight, sound, tactile sensation, smell and I almost got the taste from the mention of the food being grilled. <br /><br />I would definitely read on. This is intriguing. You've got some serious talent on you, girl.J.L. Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05666634455836834179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-8342897814192644262011-08-06T02:04:00.564+01:002011-08-06T02:04:00.564+01:00It's difficult to get in under the 400 word wi...It's difficult to get in under the 400 word wire, but you've managed it. I'd love to see it expanded though, I think you've got a great stand-alone short story with a little more background and detail!Lihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08831231531918915804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-88679102014962980552011-08-06T00:55:32.443+01:002011-08-06T00:55:32.443+01:00Love the descriptions here. I want know what happe...Love the descriptions here. I want know what happens. Does she survive the fall off the roof? I'm new to RFW so I am still learning about what romantic writing is, but I think I agree with Beverly that there is a romantic element.<br />Best wishes,<br />Anna<br /><a href="http://annasadornments.blogspot.com/2011/08/voices-romantic-friday-writing.html" rel="nofollow">Anna's Romantic Friday No 13 - 'Voices'</a>Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17926688000745346961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-68416405730533933122011-08-05T19:34:05.275+01:002011-08-05T19:34:05.275+01:00Hi,
I love the dark edge to this, and it has huge...Hi,<br /><br />I love the dark edge to this, and it has huge promise!!<br /><br />As you say, this prologue only came to you quite recent via inspiration gained from theme title "Voices". I'm with Madeleine, the romantic element could be hyped a little more. Perhaps a few extra sentences might proclaim undying love for the heroine, perhaps a tinge of guilt in the Voice as well! Her confusion could easily stem from trauma of a truth revealed: blanking it out. Startled by the Voice and sense of familiarity, too, she might then turn and lose her balance. <br /><br />Of course, this could be a prophetic dream sequence and she wakes up before hitting the ground, her dream expressing her fears of being cheated on by a lover! ;)<br /><br />best<br />FFrancine Howarthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02326542867876257042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-57898591569539668222011-08-05T18:03:51.142+01:002011-08-05T18:03:51.142+01:00Awesome descriptions, Kiru! And the finish was ver...Awesome descriptions, Kiru! And the finish was very gripping. Dark, but good!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-24097341035115502472011-08-05T17:36:49.030+01:002011-08-05T17:36:49.030+01:00I want to know if she is commiting suicide and who...I want to know if she is commiting suicide and who the voice speaking to her is. She knows it yet, she doesn't.<br />It held my attention very well, enough to wish to know more.Daydreamertoohttp://daydreamertoo.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-71666221616723121862011-08-05T17:18:39.411+01:002011-08-05T17:18:39.411+01:00Kiru, it definitely reads better now and I can'...Kiru, it definitely reads better now and I can't wait for the whole story to unfold. Well done.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-20955249009375274672011-08-05T16:41:33.798+01:002011-08-05T16:41:33.798+01:00I love it! Very beautiful. I like the setting of...I love it! Very beautiful. I like the setting of the scene, the sense-filled details. I would definitely like to read more.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13195645967378589211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-2363249160591454712011-08-05T16:16:17.526+01:002011-08-05T16:16:17.526+01:00Oooooh, scary and intriguing. I would definitely ...Oooooh, scary and intriguing. I would <em>definitely</em> read more.<br /><br />Alas, since I'm late to the party, and you've amended it, I don't see the "missing" romantic element - IMO it's there now.<br /><br />"plummeting off the roof top" either make rooftop one word, or ad a comma after top, because the way this breaks, at least on my screen, made for a slightly confusing last sentence that took me out of the story. Annoying, as I'd been totally enraptured till then.Beverly Diehlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-86501557781626429072011-08-05T16:15:29.501+01:002011-08-05T16:15:29.501+01:00Hi Andy,
Suya is a kind of spicy African kebab.
Y...Hi Andy,<br /><br />Suya is a kind of spicy African kebab.<br />You are on the right track. She has some memory loss but not the kind you're thinking. More soon. ;) Thank you.<br /><br />Cheers,<br />KiruKiru Tayehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03285263322486836620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-55107893105949605982011-08-05T16:00:00.483+01:002011-08-05T16:00:00.483+01:00Hello Kiru.
Forgive my ignorance, but what's &...Hello Kiru.<br />Forgive my ignorance, but what's "suya"?<br />Also, sounds to me like perhaps she's got amnesia, because she didn't know her own name and the life she led before.<br />Great intrigue at the end.The Poethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00667034322952126127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-31081180254437980812011-08-05T15:21:25.161+01:002011-08-05T15:21:25.161+01:00Thank you, Heaven. I was a bit concerned about it ...Thank you, Heaven. I was a bit concerned about it being too dark for RFW but I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)Kiru Tayehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03285263322486836620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-39977006002208345492011-08-05T14:02:03.475+01:002011-08-05T14:02:03.475+01:00I enjoyed it... I like the sweet voices in her min...I enjoyed it... I like the sweet voices in her mind, and the little bit of darkness to it as well. I was wondering though where the masculine voice was coming from - was it for real or just her imagination ?<br /><br />Lovely share~Scarlethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03330793338813508704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-49926269992700082922011-08-05T13:16:33.621+01:002011-08-05T13:16:33.621+01:00Thank you, Madeleine. It's great when other pe...Thank you, Madeleine. It's great when other people can see what you can't. Which is why i love RFW challenges. Cheers. :o))Kiru Tayehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03285263322486836620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-77170429807705416032011-08-05T12:43:49.629+01:002011-08-05T12:43:49.629+01:00Thwe voice is very powerful here and the piece gri...Thwe voice is very powerful here and the piece gripped me from the beginning. <br />The romantic involvement could be expressed more clearly, though. Maybe if the voice said "Step back, slowly, my darling" or "Step back from the edge, Clara, my love.” A good piece, though. :O)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-45382531662837080002011-08-05T10:43:11.047+01:002011-08-05T10:43:11.047+01:00Hi Donna,
Thank you. I'm glad some of the the...Hi Donna,<br /><br />Thank you. I'm glad some of the theme show through. It was the story that came to mind when i saw this week's theme.<br /><br />I've amended the excerpt slightly so the 'romance' is a little bit more obvious, I hope.<br /><br />Cheers,<br />KiruKiru Tayehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03285263322486836620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-504800520107358646.post-72494439235629913352011-08-05T09:47:44.358+01:002011-08-05T09:47:44.358+01:00I do not see a romantic involvement. This does no...I do not see a romantic involvement. This does not mean there is none in your novel; it just doesn't truely manifest here, in this excerpt.<br /><br />Yet, this has excellent "voice". I want to know what happens to Clara as a result of her fall (I don't believe she disappears from the novel here; and if she does, shame on you author for giving a first glimpse of a character who is engaging and dies). She is hopeless, but does not appear helpless. Which makes her someone I'd want to know more about.<br /><br />I like the perspective here. Just enough backstory and action narrative. Works for me.<br /><br />........dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.com