Saturday, 5 May 2012

RFW - Night On The Town (Picture prompt)

Hello readers! Welcome back to Romantic Friday Writers. This week we have a picture prompt challenge. We are supposed to respond to this picture with a flash fiction piece or poem of 600 words or less.
I've tried something different with this piece of flash fiction. It was written in a hurry but I hope you enjoy it.

Word count: 550 word (FCA)


“I can’t believe it,” Bimbo said as she paced the small grey ceramic tiled floor of the ladies toilet. “I can’t believe you’re telling me this now, on my hen night.” She turned and glared at Chika who returned her stare, her brown eyes pleading, two straight lines creasing her forehead.

“I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long but I didn’t know how to,” Chika replied. She raised her hand and touched Bimbo’s arm. Bimbo swiped her hand away and continued pacing. “All I can say is sorry,” Chika said before turning away dejectedly. Funke who’d been standing back placed her hand on Chika’s shoulder soothingly.

“Well, sorry is not good enough,” Bimbo spat out, her anger still not abated.

“Bimbo, I know you’re hurt,” Funke said softly.

“You think?” Bimbo stopped pacing and glared at her.

Funke didn’t back down though. “But you’re taking it out on the wrong person,” she continued as if she hadn’t been interrupted by her irate friend. “Chika has been struggling with how to tell you this for ages because she cares about you. So do I.” You don’t know how much.

“You mean you knew too,” Bimbo shouted, her gaze switching from one friend to the other.

“Yes, I did,” Funke admitted. “We’ve been debating the right time to tell you. I told her to wait.”

“I can’t believe this.” Bimbo started pacing again. “I can’t believe my two best friends could keep something like this from me.”

“You’ve been so excited about planning the wedding,” said Funke softly. “That’s all you’ve talked about for months. We didn’t want to shatter your dreams. So I went to talk to Deji myself.”

“You did what?” Bimbo’s face was a mix of anger and astonishment.

“I wanted to find out if it was true.” Funke held Bimbo’s gaze without flinching. “I also needed him to warn him. I couldn’t allow him to hurt you.”

“You had no rights to do that,” Bimbo snapped.

“I have every right to, Bimbo.” Funke took a step closer to her. “You’re my best friend. I’ve always been there for you. I’ve always had your back no matter what. This is no different.”

“This is different. Deji is my fiancé.”

“Your fiancé who is cheating on you with half of Lagos,” Funke spat out finally letting her anger show through. She’d known Bimbo since they were in school together. Had always felt emotions stronger than friendship but never able to tell her friend for fear of breaking their relationship. She couldn’t stand to see anybody hurting her. “And has been even before you got engaged.”

“I know,” Bimbo gasped out. Funke noticed the tears that pooled in her eyes and her heart clenched. She knew what if took for Bimbo to finally admit the truth. Bimbo’s parents were very socially conscious and her upcoming wedding was heralded as the wedding of the year by the media.  

“He promised me he would stop.” Bimbo crumpled in a heap on the floor, her body racking with sobs. “What am I going to do?”

Funke knelt beside Bimbo and took her in her arms, cradling her body as she sobbed.

“It’s okay. I’m here for you,” Funke whispered softly as she caressed Bimbo’s back. “No one will hurt you again.”


I'd love to know what you think. Please share your thoughts.
Remember to check out all the other lovely posts for this week's challenge.

Have a fabulous weekend.


  1. Very imaginative to have got that piece from studying the photograph.


    1. Thank you. The ladies were quite talkative in my head and I'm glad it came out not too bad on here.

  2. See, this is why women always go to the bathroom in groups :) Where better to admit gossip. I like how you drew out the secret, and then twisted it by Bimbo already knowing her intented hubby was still cheating on her. And the bit of how Funke cared "more than you knew" was a nice insight into Funke's future delimma too.

    A couple of minor points:

    - This sentence is a little confusing: “I also needed him to warn him."
    - Is "Sandra" Bimbo's first name?
    - Chika disappears from the scene as the Funke take center stage. Did you mean for that to happen?

    This had some excellent character building, and the high emotions completely grabbed me. I liked the intensity.

    Thanks for joining us this week Kiru :)


    1. Thank you, Donna. Your points are very valid. I wrote this in such a rush I barely had time to spell-check. I'll make the amendments, thanks. :)

  3. Dear Kiru,

    Great story in the little format!

    Your characters are not just chatting about the weather! You pull the reader into a heated discussion among friends that aren't completely in agreement over the rules.

    You have fleshed out so much from that one image, and kept the scene close to what the photograph shows: an intimate coversation about bad luck in love and the meaning of friendship.

    On one level, it seems to be about whether or not they should have told Bimbo the truth about her fiancé, Deji's, escapades. But on another level, it seems that Funke's devotion and concern for Bimbo goes unusually deep, since she warned Bimbo's fiancé, herself.

    You have packed both outward and underlying conflicts in this little story. Your well-rendered characters have not been completely honest with themselves or each other.

    The burning question is this: Will the fashionable wedding be called off?

    Best wishes,

    Anna's RFW challenge 35

    1. Hi Anna, I love the way you're able to analyse a piece of work and get its intricacies, a skill I'm still learning. Thank you for your wonderful comment.

  4. Hello Kiru, thanks for penning this little, yet intense, story for RFW. As Anna compliments, you've stuck to the image well, and the reader can imagine the conversation between the girls. And what a conversation. I love stories in dialogue and you are a master at this. Donna found some confusion, but that would be due to this being a hurried piece and you would have fleshed those bits out with editing.

    I loved the girls' names, too. I had to smile at 'Bimbo' and the wedding of the year. Ahem.

    Thanks for posting even with your current circumstances Kiru.


    1. LOL @ Bimbo and wedding of the year. I hadn't actually thought about the innuendo with the name.

      Thank you for your concern. Much appreciated.

  5. Hello Kiru.
    You never cease to amaze me with the way you can just spin a story the way you do. My mind is going all sorts of places...I get the impression Funke's feelings for Bimbo go way beyond the boundaries of just friendship. A compelling read. Thanks for sharing.

    Last Dance

    1. Andy, thank you. I was trying to weave the subtle with the obvious. I'm glad it worked.

  6. Hi Kiru
    Bimbo is lucky to have such strong friends. I'm glad this character didn't turn on her friends in an abusive manner. Your story is compelling with a freshness that I enjoyed. Well done.

  7. Hi,

    Nothing worse than being the bearer of bad news, and Funke seems to have an agenda: hee hee... Sometimes great writing comes out of rushed pieces, and this is intriguing!!! ;)



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