Friday, 22 July 2011

Romantic Friday Writers - Coming Home

This week on Romantic Friday Writers, the theme is Coming Home. My contribution is a new story that came to me last night.
Tonye Hume, the prodigal son, returns to his childhood home in Port Harcourt, Nigeria for the first time in fifteen years. In his case, he is back successful and wealthy. And his father is dead. Yet his return awakens so much from his past that he’s kept buried – secrets, betrayal and pain.

The scene I’ve chosen is when he sees his former youthful crush Kambili for the first time after so long. She is one of the reasons he left his home in the first place.

Word count: 400

I hope you enjoy it.


Not waiting for the driver to open the door, Tonye stepped out of the car. The gravel crunched beneath his designer Italian leather shoes. The massive white colonial style detached house on two levels with a terrace balcony on the first floor loomed over him. At the front was a garden, rows of blushing lilac hibiscus plants interspersed with pink dahlias. A smile tugged his lips.

His mother’s garden. It was still here and well maintained. Surprise and relief danced in his stomach. He walked towards the shrubs, bent over and inhaled deeply filling his lungs with their sweet scent. At the back of the house, there were more of the garden, trees landscaped with shrubs. Closing his eyes, he was immediately transported to his childhood, running around on the lawn, playing with his friends, hanging out with his sister.

That was another reason he was home. His sister. Somma. He hadn’t seen her in over a year. Even then it had been a brief get together while he’d been on business in New York. She should be here already. He couldn’t wait to see her again.

His nostrils picked up a different scent. The hairs on the back of his neck stood straight and he stiffened his spine. A soft gasp behind him got him turning around. His heart stopped for a moment as his eyes connected with the woman’s in front of him. He locked his knees as air whooshed out of his lungs as if he’d just been punched in the gut. His heart started beating again; this time flooding his system with rage, adrenaline and recognition. Clenching and unclenching his fists, he stood rock still.


Deep brown eyes ringed by a shade of caramel stared back at him. Surprise, sadness and alarm swam in their profundity. Then long dark lashes came down like a curtain, shielding them from view. It drew his attention to her cheek bones, high on flawless roasted coffee bean skin; nose, small and pert bridging the two; lips, full and heart-shaped, waiting to be...

He stopped himself when he realised he’d taken a step towards her.

What was he doing?

Lips pursed, chin raised, she lifted her lashes. Gone was the sadness and alarm. In their place was a calm boldness, a serenity that kept her apart. As if the real Kambili was no longer in residence within.

“Welcome home, Tonye.”


So what do you think? Are you interested? Should I write the rest of the story? Let me know your thoughts.

Remember to follow the link above to see the other submissions this week.


  1. It has me intrigued :-)

  2. Hello Kiru.
    I like the vivid descriptions of your characters and the smooth flow overall. Sense of smell is so powerful in bringing back memories. You make us feel what your characters are feeling. Even after all the years passed, there's a dynamite chemistry between these two. Hmm..I can feel some rekindling in the air.
    Definitely continue with the story!

  3. Sensational, wonderfully descriptive.

  4. Very intriguing characters and setting. I'd love to read more - so get writing it!

  5. Of course, you have to write more.
    Am looking forward to it

  6. Hi,

    I love the name, Kambili. I have no idea why, but it implies beauty and sensuality!

    Lovely home coming, and yes, it's a good opening for more to come. ;)


  7. The smells were so carefully described they brought to mind my own similar experiences. You ended on a great note of anticipation--very nice!

  8. Kiru,

    I like the sense of aloofness you gave Kambili. Yes, I think you should continue with this story. Of course, I also want to know why he left home originally.

  9. I would love to read more. A story set in Port Harcourt...mmm, nostalgia!

  10. Yes, of course. It is intriguing to read what follows next....You caught the anticipation well~

    Happy day~

  11. This was a sensory delight. Aromas, vivid imagery, emotionally engaging. Well done.


  12. You ladies know how to do desciption so good. I saw your link on babyrocka's blog and wasn't disappointed when I came around. Of course I would like to see how the story pans out.

    Well done!!!You ladies know how to do desciption so good. I saw your link on babyrocka's blog and wasn't disappointed when I came around. Of course I would like to see how the story pans out.

    Well done!!!

  13. Beautifully scripted Kiru. I love it babe. Carry on writing.

  14. This is such beautiful writing Kiru. I am so glad I followed by gut and came over from The Character Depot. I can't wait for the next instalment:

  15. definitely want more of this Kiru

  16. Hi Kiru! Welcome to RFWers. It was lovely to read your story. You have tantalised us with this beginning. You definitely need to go on with this story. A great capture of the 'Coming Home' theme.

  17. Thank you all for stopping by. It's a unanimous vote. I'm going to have to write the story. I look forward to getting to know Tonye and Kambili better.

    Cheers, KT

  18. These first few lines haven't given away much; So, yes. I will like to see how this story unfolds. Only then can I say more.

    Pretty intriguing so far.

  19. Intriguing enough to make me want to read what comes next....

  20. I love, love this. Descriptive and well wriiten. well done

  21. Read this at work the other day but couldn't comment because, again, the computer refused to coperate with showing the comment box LOL. Kiru, I'm so loving your inspire me! Of course you have to write this. I'll be looking foward to reading the full story :)

  22. This is so lovely - the lilting, sensitive quality of your writing has me intrigued. I would love to read more.

  23. The descriptions are so apt and intriguing. The smooth narrative you employed in this story helps make the story simple yet creative; simply adorably-creative!

    Want the sequel too...! Let's all have it, Kiru.

  24. Beautiful! You should definitely write this story. I'm amazed that you wrote that the night before the challenge.


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