Hello readers, welcome back to Romantic Friday Writers. This week's challenge is to write a piece of prose or poetry to the theme 'Greener Pastures.' I've chosen to revise a short story I wrote about 2 years ago. I hope you enjoy this piece of flash fiction.
Word count: 600
Eyes raised, she glanced at
the round brushed aluminium clock on the wall. 8.05pm.
Slowly, a frustrated sigh
whooshed from Abi’s lungs, her earlier excitement fizzing into the humid summer
evening air.
 |
| Dinner for Two |
Her gaze swept across the sturdy oak dining table set for two; flickering candle lights, scattered rose petals, her best porcelain china crockery, laid out to perfection. Dinner—Fillet Mignon with mushrooms and roasted asparagus—warmed in the oven. Tayo’s favourite.
Their last supper?
Rat-tat-tat...She tapped
her gel-coated fingernail tips on the wooden table-top, her rising annoyance
seeping from her body into the table with each strike.
You’ll
chip your nails!
Disregarding the cautious
voice in her head and the fact she’d spent a fortune on a spa manicure and
pedicure, she continued the staccato beats. It wasn’t just her hands and feet
feeling pampered. A new avant-garde haircut from her award-winning stylist, and
a deep-exfoliating facial had her feeling positively revived and ready to face
the challenge of the evening--Friday the 13th. It didn't bode well.
Rising, she walked to the coffee
table in the living room and picked up her mobile phone. After pressing the call
button, it rang for a while before connecting.
“Hello.” It was the same
indifferent response every time.
Like
you don’t know who is on the line, she thought as she
rolled her eyes upwards. Her husband’s phone had caller ID. So Tayo knew it was Abi calling him before he picked his phone.
Most times, she ignored
his mildly annoying habit. Tonight, her tolerance level was very low.
“Tayo, where are you?” she
asked, the irritation in her voice as loud as a church bell’s toll.
“In the office,” he replied,
his resonant voice sounding distracted. “Is there a problem?”
Hell
yeah, there’s a problem! She was ready to shout.
| Woman in iro and buba |
“A good wife never shouts
at her husband.” Her grandmother’s careful wisdom reined in her rash actions. A
vision of the grey-haired woman in her green floral print iro and buba and kind
knowing eyes floated before Abi.
Her skin flushed with
embarrassment as if she’d just had a stinging reprimand. Her eyes lids
fluttered shut briefly. When she lifted them, her gaze focused on the mantelpiece
displaying framed photos of both Tayo and her.
A deep breath passed
through her lungs soothing her raw nerves.
“You promised you’d be
home by seven-thirty tonight. It’s past eight already.”
The calmness of her voice
belied the roiling emotions she wanted to bare. Be a good wife, the voice resounded in her head.
“Oh. I forgot,” he replied
as if he didn’t understand the reason for her annoyance. “We had problems with
one of our projects here and I’ve been trying to sort it out. I’ll be leaving
here in about an hour.”
Words screamed in her
head. No, come home now! She should
say but that would make her hysterical and pathetic. A good wife didn’t complain—didn’t
nag.
“Okay.” Her voice dripped
with nonchalance she didn’t feel. This was yet another broken promise. Another
indication of their marriage adrift in the high sea, rudderless and masterless.
And she was about to jump ship for safe harbour. Greener pastures.
| New York |
He might’ve detected
something in her voice because he asked, “You didn’t prepare anything special,
did you? It’s not our anniversary, right?”
At this point, the impulse
to scream her frustration overwhelmed her. She could no longer restrain the
words that had eaten her up for weeks.
“No...but I have a new job
in New York and I’m going in a month,” she muttered before pressing the end
call button.
***
I hope you enjoyed reading this piece. Please leave me a comment. Remember to hop along and read the other entries for this week's RFW Challenge. Have a great weekend!
This is quite different !!I liked this !!
ReplyDeletenicely narrated
Thank you, Rahul.
DeleteOh I can relate - I've been there, waiting, always waiting. I like the reference to Friday 13th!
ReplyDeleteI think we all can relate to it at some level, Sally. Yes, I managed to get to Friday 13th in and I think it worked well too. :)
DeleteThanks for stopping by.
Yay, you added the Friday the 13th bit too :) I feel for this woman, and all her "good wife" recrimination. I'm so glad she see's the greener pastures ahead and is taking the leap to self happiness.
ReplyDeleteThis was romantic for the dinner and all the special arrangements; but so real also. I liked this character.
.......dhole
Thank you, Donna. The scary thing is that a lot of people are in her shoes on a daily basis. Let's hope they know how to seek greener pastures too. :)
DeletePathetically real, Kiru! Sometimes it's the reverse happening. It's the husband asking when his executive wife will leave the office. Well written.
ReplyDeleteThank, Stella. I agree that it can happen to men or women and is applicable really to people of all works of life. Neglect is really not nice on the person experiencing it.
DeleteIntense relationship frustration ...Nice
ReplyDeleteSkilfully executed flash piece and great use of the RFW prompt, Kiru. Particularly the conveying of emotions and the voice in her head - descriptive, concise and smooth delivery. Loved it from beginning to end. Oh and that bombshell at the end! You should add more flash pieces to your impressive repertoire. Kudos!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Adura for such high praise. I really enjoyed writing this piece and hope to write more, time and commitments permitting. :)
DeleteGreat narration. It's intense and very real.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Henza!
DeleteThank you, Kemi. :)
ReplyDeleteVery creative piece here.. and I agree with everyone else, the narration and the flow of the writing is superb! Tons of great imagery as well. I can literally see the look on this woman's face.. tapping her long deep red fingernails. Wish I had thought to add the Friday 13th bit but I wasn't quick enough! Well done Kiru!!
ReplyDeleteHi Crystal, I was lucky to get Friday 13th in there. Just added it at the last minute. It's good to see you here. Thank you.
DeleteI love how you captured her annoyance and frustration. Perfect descriptions!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Heather.
DeleteDear Kiru,
ReplyDeleteSadly, many women live such lives and cannot get out. You are so talented and creative. Thank you for sharing my dear.
Thank you, Andy, for your kind comment.
DeleteKiru, I finally got here. I've been looking forward to reading this piece since you said you had the perfect piece for the prompt, and it is. Also clever addition of the Friday 13th motif. Donna and I are a bit slow. Should have had a whole Friday 13 thingy.
ReplyDeleteThis is a sad but true story. Roles reversed or not, it is the lot of many a man/woman to be anxiously waiting on a recalcitrant partner to return to family. You added such interest with the manicure, pedicure, facial...those little details make a story. I agree, you should write more flash if you get the time. :D
Thank you, Denise. I'll certainly write more flash fiction. :)
DeleteThis was lovely, Kiru. I adored the fact that she kept her cool, despite her disappointment. She stayed true to her upbringing, well done Abi.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed this. :))
Thank you, Candilynn. Good to see you here. :)
DeleteServes him right. Love how you show Abi as so restrained and tied to convention and then having her throw that to the wind at the end and just tell him what would make her satisfied.
ReplyDeleteOh I loved the “You didn’t prepare anything special, did you? It’s not our anniversary, right?” made me smile. I can feel her emotions as she talked to her neglectful hubby. Bravo! I loved this piece.
ReplyDelete