Friday, 23 March 2012

RFW - She Wears My Ring

Hello readers. Welcome back to Romantic Friday Writers. It's a writing challenge to write 400 word to a prompt. It could be flash fiction, an excerpt, or a poem.This week the prompt is She Wears My Ring.
Do you want to push your boundaries as a writer? Do you enjoy writing challenges? Click the link above to join the RFW group.

I've chosen an excerpt from a story I started writing in December 2011 titled The Gift of Christmas. It is still a work-in-progress, so feel free to comment or critique if you wish. I'd love to know what you think. Enjoy. :)

Word Count: 400 (Full Critique Acceptable)


By dinner time, Chiso had settled into her role. The inquisition she’d been expecting didn’t come. Kingsley fielded most of the answers. He played his role as protective fiancé very well. A warm sensation spread through her body, her heart softening even further for him. After dinner his mother retired early taking Megan to bed. Grace stayed up, chatting with Kingsley and Chiso for a while in the living room. When her phone buzzed, she too disappeared.

“Thank you,” Chiso said in a low voice, turning to face Kingsley who sat barely inches from her on the sofa. She could feel his body heat touching her skin like a gentle caress, his masculine spice settling in her lungs.

“What for?” he moved to face her, his dark eyebrow raised curiously.

“For fighting my corner.”

“You wear my ring. You’re my fiancée.” He winked at her, his cheeks dimpling as his smile widened.

“Yes, but we know I’m not really. I’m even more surprised that they all seemed to buy it so easily since I’m not even the kind of woman someone like you could be engaged to. So thanks anyway,” she said, her voice choked with emotion. She knew the kind of woman suitable for him was polished, elegant, and from a rich family like his late wife. She shouldn’t let herself be swept away by his act. It was just pretend.

Kingsley pulled her closer, his callused hand grazing her cheek. Tingles skittered over her skin. “Chiso, for the next week, you’re my fiancée and nothing less. You’re beautiful and intelligent. Don’t ever think differently.”

“Don’t patronise me,” she said, leaning away from his touch and missing it instantly. “You and I know that you would’ve never looked at me if you didn’t need me to act as your fiancé. So please cut the crap.” Angry with herself for getting sucked into his kind words and presence, she pushed off the sofa and turned her back to him. She disliked that she couldn’t seem to control her feelings where Kingsley was concerned.

She heard the sofa creak behind her. Then, cool hands clasped her shoulders and gently nudged her until she faced Kingsley again. When she looked up at his dark eyes, their fiery intensity made her catch her breath.

“Granted, we’re here now because I need your help. But I wouldn’t swap you for anyone else. Trust me.”


So what do you think? Does it work with the theme? Do you want to read more? Share your thoughts. Thank you. Remember to check out the other entries for this week's RFW challenge over here.

Have a fantastic weekend.


  1. Oh yes! It works with the theme; and you have certainly made the reader (me) want to find out what happens. In my opinion, this is a well written snippet that fits the theme!

    I get the feeling that they have made a deal to pretend to be engaged and he seems to like her more than he should. She is worried about being used, which is often what happens.

    You've got the makings of a great romantic plot here!

    Best wishes,

    Anna's RFW-challenge No. 34 'She wears my ring'

  2. Works well, would definitely want to read more.

  3. Yes it does, and yes i wanna

  4. Passionate! I like the uncertainty that makes the reader want to know how they resolve their issues.

  5. I have said Kiru Taye at work just messes up the am I going to concentrate on stuff now?

  6. A relationship of convenience; with potential to get much more involved. Yeah, I'd read on. I'm always engaged with your characters Kiru; your write strong, emotive characters, even when life is not always perfect.

    there is a lot of story potential behind these character's words and interractions. I do wish to read more. This is full of passion and intrigue.


  7. Plus points:
    -Lots of romantic tension
    -Lots of emotion
    -Result is a "tingling scene"
    -Excellent choice of romantic descriptive phrases, that don't work as trite or cliché-wise.
    -Fits into theme very well

    Minus points (only my unqualified opinon):
    - Paragraph 8 needs to be separated into two paragraphs.
    - Female character seems a touch too emotional for my tastes, but then again I don't know her full background, and I realise that I'm in a very small minority of romance readers who don't care for super-high romantic tension. I know. I know. This is the stuff that sells books. (So, it's not really a minus point, afterall).

  8. Hi Kiru. You're getting some interesting critiques there. I love this as I always love your characters. You managed to get us feeling all cuddly with the lounge scene, and then whammo, this is just a convenience. You've created a nice dose of tension here in few words.

    Write on Kiru.


  9. Kiru,
    This definitely fits the theme and the ring sucks us in. Then we find out this is pretend, but maybe not pretend and we wonder about the characters. Give us more.

  10. Yep, it works, Kiru. Clever take on the theme. Anna sums it up nicely. Cracking plot. Certainly want to find out more.

  11. Ahhh, I'm thinking .... good/bad guy trying to convince smitten lady that she is all he has on his mind. Easy-Breezy when you tell them what they want to hear.

    Callused hands has me wondering though. She doesnt mind?? Women don't mind?

  12. Hello Kiru.
    I don't think there are any of your RFW entries that I haven't enjoyed. This fit the theme perfectly. It's got the romance, the sensuous sizzle and a storyline full of intrigue. I would certainly love to know more! Nice entry again. Thanks for sharing.

    The Beloved

  13. It had a pleasant flow throughout with the right amounts of romance, intriguing details passed on to the reader making them what to know more. Is there more to the attraction or is it make the most of each other availability? Need answers...

  14. Hi Kiru
    Great job, fits the theme, I wanted more. This is a nice lead into a novel and you did say it was an excerpt. I like how you allowed the female character's self doubt to bring out the protective instincts in the male character.

  15. All I know is I wanna read more of this story!

    First time here and loving it!


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